He Understands My Tears....

Sometimes it's hard to explain how we feel....sometimes it's difficult to find just the words to say...there are times when I find I don't even know what to pray....but I so thankful that God's word promises that when we don't know what to say, He will interceed for us.

Romans 8:26
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

For even when the tears fall from my face and I can't explain them, even when I have no one to go to....HE is always there and understands every teardrop, each and every heartache, worry and concern. I'm so glad HE decided I was worth it....

a favorite song to leave you with....The Isaacs, "He Understands My Tears"

How Could I Ask for More?

God has given me so much in this life....I am so blessed and have so much in my life to be thankful for....for even on the darkest of days, I know HE is with me and keeps me safe. Yet why is it, especially at the beginning of the week (lol), I still find reasons to worry, complain and forget ALL HE is to me and has done for me? I'm human, I guess....just like all of us, we sometimes forget the little things that make life so precious. The tiniest of moments that make life more special and complete are the moments I want to cherish and never take for granted....

Here's a song that reminds me of how grateful I am for all those little things HE has done....as Cindy Morgan sings in this song....my prayer today remains..."Thank you God....How could I ask for more?"

The LOVES of my life....

My best friend posted a blog about all of the “loves” in her life.....and it inspired me to do the same. Love is a word that many people throw around like it’s just the word “a” or “and” or “the”......but when you travel down a broken road in life that was once what you felt to be love, you learn to use it only as necessary, but at the same time....start noticing all the “little things” you really have loved your entire life, but never really thought about it before....so here goes my rendition....Ash-pash....this is for you =)

I love how God sees me as beautiful each and every day.....how He loves me unconditionally..... how my mom and I talk everyday and how she wants to know I am ok.... how my brother loves his wife and his new little baby.... how my daddy pretends not to show his emotions, when deep down, his heart is about to explode....getting mail and email from people I care about.... how my doggies are always tickled to see me and prove it my “shakin’ their tail feathers!”.... how my best friend of 26 years and I can pick right up where we left off....how my daddy always drives his women around in the snow....my mom’s homemade chicken soup.....my aunt Donna’s sweet tea....how my little Landon smells after a bath....wearing my pjs and camis more than any other clothing.... fresh clean sheets.....every pair of merrells I can afford....playing the piano with my eyes closed....soaking in a bubble bath.....getting my hair washed....sleeping in on Saturdays.....seeing my pastor tear up during one of his sermons.....listening to the rain.....having my back rubbed....the smell after a hard rain on a summer afternoon....the smell of fresh laundry out of the dryer....the little things people say that make them who they are, like my mom saying “I said a prayer for you today”, or my daddy saying “what’d you do that for?” or Tara sayin "you get yo nail done?".....laughing at old memories of family and friends.....singin’ with the radio....dancing when nobody’s watching....wrapping up in my grandma’s old quilt....lazy afternoon naps....hugs that are unexpected and don’t let go right away....slow kisses in the dark....my mom’s sourdough bread and chocolate chip poundcake......summer trips to the beach....dreaming about the future....making a difference in the life of a child....lazy days spent in pjs.....hot showers......extra large towels....my church family and their love for me....fireflies at night......going barefoot in the summer.....being so in love you can hardly breathe....watching my daddy work.....listening to children on a playground.....hot chocolate that’s extra sweet....feeling the sand between my toes....watching waves leave the coast....praying in my car out loud....crying from the words of a song....laughing so hard I snort or just about pee my pants....being held....being loved for who I am....being so blessed you feel your heart’s gonna explode.......

WOW....I think I could type forever...I think like Ash I’ll keep adding and reading these so I never forget....

When you least expect it....

I got a huge surprise...blessing....prayer....email today.....

It seems that when we least expect it, God knows when to send a special person our way....sometimes an old friend we've been out of touch with, sometimes a family member, or perhaps even a stranger.....but it's definitely true that when we least expect it....God showers us with just the amount of blessings we need.....

I get an email from an old friend today....letting me know he's heard the news of my "story" and how sorry he is for it....how he knows God's gonna get the glory from all of this and how he knows Christ will be honored for the way I have handled this whole ordeal. What's amazing is that I have barely spoken to this friend in over a year, yet a tragedy in his life and mine and the power of prayer connect us both at this time....how wonderful to know that he has been praying for me this entire time, yet I didn't even know he knew....true friendship doesn't require seeing each other everyday, spending countless hours together, it just requires a love for each other and a faith in a common God that can see you through....so to my special friend, I say "thank you" for putting a bright spot in my day and making me realize that when you least expect it, some one's always praying you through....caring....thinking....and still loving you....

I'll leave you with the verse he left me....

“He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God.”
Romans 4:20

Let them go....

Everyone has problems...troubles....trials...hard times....broken hearts....broken dreams.....it has been my experience in the past that I tend to let these difficult moments tiptoe into my future, ruining some of what could be the happiest and best experiences of my life. And for what reason? Because I am afraid to let go? Afraid to let God have the lead? Afraid I will get hurt again? I often fail to realize that " When God closes a door, He always opens a window"....and although that window might seem smaller, less attractive and harder to get to.....most often the view is so breathtaking, you wonder why you didn't go that window in the first place!

I'm tired of letting my broken past predict my untouched future....I'm tired of being scared, tired of letting what happened yesterday make me miss out on today and its blessings. So my new goal is to learn from the past, but let that be the end of it. Accept each day as a NEW blessing from God....let people in....learn to trust....learn to jump in and feel the wonder of each exciting moment God has for me in this awesome world! Wouldn't it be incredible if we could "learn to write our hurts in the sand and carve our blessings in stone!" So I have decided it's time to take all that hurt, all those problems....truly give them over to God and LET THEM GO!

Looking beyond the surface....

So much of my life was spent around people who looked at what was visible to the eye and made an instant judgment. From the clothes people wear, to the tattoos on their skin, the length of their hair, where they went to school, where they did or didn't go to church.....you name it, people could judge you for it. It makes me sick to my stomach that these people call themselves Christians, yet their actions are as far from "Christ like" as you can get.

So I am in a new place in my life, where I refuse to judge anyone for anything.....I am all about looking beyond the surface to see what's really inside and searching for ways to appreciate each and everyone that God has placed on this earth. Some of the most precious and amazing people in my life right now are people I would have been looked down upon for even speaking to....but it's those people who are missing out on the greater blessing, for when God chooses to use someone who has had a "past", made mistakes, taken the wrong road a time or two, you get such an amazing result in the end....someone who is so grateful for every day that they treat it as a precious gift, someone who is so blessed by your friendship that they hang on every word. Someone who wants to be a better Christian yet they know they fall short every day ....someone who I'd never been blessed to know and my life would not be as special....had I refused to LOOK BEYOND THE SURFACE....

Here....

So I have a new favorite song....heard it on the radio the other day and the message speaks so clearly of where I am today....here's a short video with part of the song "Here" by Rascal Flatts:




I guess the place I am standing "here" today could seem normal to most people...I have an incredible God who has blessed my life more than I could ever deserve, I have an amazing family that supports me and loves me unconditionally as well as friends who are always there for me. Yet, if you take a look behind where I am today, the road is not so pretty......so much of what has happened in my life has me asking questions, but I have learned over the past several weeks that if it weren't for all the hard times, rough roads and pain, I would not, could not be the person that stands "here" today. It took all the storms, trials and troubles to make me into the beautiful masterpiece God sees me as today.

I have met some amazing people over the last few weeks, and one in particular who has changed my life completely. There's no way I would trade what I have been given, just to say my past was easy.....for it's because of all that pain....I am HERE.....HAPPY....AT PEACE....AND LOVING LIFE!