Meredith Nicole

To be or not to be....Meredith, the author?

2012-01-29T18:18:00.000-08:00

So secretly...since 2004 and facing the reality that I might just die (which I did not...lol), and taking a journey in life I could have never predicted, I wished for the opportunity to write a book. I guess I felt like I had to be "formally" asked to write a book....but after discovering websites that offer anyone, from the most wealthy of writers, to a first grader learning to write a sentence...the chance to publish their own book, I decided to get started. I am writing a book that will hopefully help someone who has had marital problems, infertility problems, or anyone who has hit rock bottom and thinks there is no way out. As a middle school teacher, I "edutain" my students to love the world of reading for at least 180 days a year...and thus the inspiration for my second endeavor: a series of books for adolescents. So, just to get a little feedback, I've posted some snippets from both books...so let me know what you think. To be or not to be...an author?

"The Power of No"
Book dedication:
I have been blessed in so many ways, but more than any other are these: my first husband mentally and emotionally abused me for years, he cheated on me and threw our marriage away, he took from me the ability to have a child that is biologically mine, he left me completely broke and alone and for that, I am the wealthiest woman in the world. For it is because of those blessings, I am now the happiest I could ever imagine, I am loved by my new husband more than I could ever deserve, and I am the stepmother of a beautiful daughter, who shares my curls, my creativity and love for an amazing man that makes us smile every day. I will forever be grateful to God for the amazing, painful and broken journey that lead to an incredible, unbelievable destination. It is to my new husband, my soul mate and best friend for life, that I dedicate this book. You are more to me than you can ever know. God gave me you and you are the greatest gift I could ever receive.

Excerpt from chapter 1:
I can recall the moment it all became clear to me. I’m sitting in one of those tacky pink vinyl chairs in the Woman’s Center of Forsyth Hospital. In fact, I still can’t sit or even stand the sight of those “wanna be” leather chairs. But back to my “clear” moment…it’s July 21st of 2004, I’ve been married a little over 4 years, I’ve purchased my first home, and I’ve spent the last year of my life on fertility treatments and yet it’s just now that I’ve come to realize that my husband doesn’t love me. Yes, maybe he cares a little, but when it all comes down to it, he really doesn’t nor has he ever loved me.
Looking back now, that “clear” moment is actually quite humorous. I had just come out of a laparoscopy and exploratory surgery, I’d spent maybe thirty minutes in recovery, and I was in horrible pain and extremely nauseous. However, the surgery was outpatient, and apparently it was time for me to get out! I just don’t think my body was ready for that decision. I was extremely lightheaded, pale and in quite a deal of pain, but I was expected to get dressed and out the door on my own. My body apparently started speaking on its own when I dropped to the bottom of the dressing room and began to cry for my mother.
Isn’t funny…no matter how old you are, you never get too old to want your mommy, and my mother is of the best. She was right there in a second; she helped me back into my clothes but she a had a word or two for those nurses: I wasn’t leaving. I needed to sit down and get some “color” back in me. That’s where the chair comes into play; I sit back, it throws me into full position, and I’m sure I looked like I was ready to meet the queen! It’s at that moment my husband decides to enter the scene. He’s all polished in his chino shorts, Hawaiian shirt and slicked back hair. He takes his normal “cool” stance: arms crossed, and leaning back on the wall like it should be honored to hold up such a man as he. But then, quicker than a bolt of lightning, he takes one look at my pale, post surgery expression and BAM! He passes out right there in the recovery room of Forsyth Hospital! All the nurses, along with my mom, turn from helping me and rush to the only man within a one mile radius. They’re hollering things like “we got a man down” and “quick get me some smelling salts!” I immediately think “what about me? Isn’t this the women’s center? He doesn’t have a uterus, I DO!!” However, the only thing I can physically do is LAUGH OUTLOUD, which automatically brings my mom’s attention back to me. I can tell by the expression on her face that she thinks my laughing is inappropriate, but laughing is contagious, and within seconds…she’s laughing too. Only what she can’t see is the pictures and emotions running through my brain that have brought me to this moment.

Middle School (otherwise known as "The Worst Three Years of My Simple Life)
Excerpt from Chapter 1:
It was the summer before my sixth grade year. I clearly remember because that was the summer all the girls started wearing cute polka dotted or striped bikinis, and I was still stuck in the ugly Wal-mart one piece my mom bought me back in the “after summer” sale. It was this ugly shade of orange that was just bright enough to make me and my big fat self stand out from everyone at the Farm Hill Golf Club swimming pool. My mom got us a membership every summer, but this summer was the first year I didn’t want to go at all! But, you guessed it…my mom made me go, and not only that, but she but she had bought this purple roll on sunscreen that only made me stand out even more. Anyways, I had just gotten out of school 3 weeks earlier and I really wanted to see my friends from school, but not in the orange suit, and not with the purple sunscreen. Had I known what was going to happen later, I’d trade it for living my whole sixth grade year in that suit and sunscreen. That’s definitely better than being nicknamed “floater”, and no, it’s not what you think!

I can't believe I'm about to "publish" this post...it might be deleted by tomorrow :P

It's about time....

2012-01-29T18:15:00.001-08:00

OK....so it's only been 3 years since my last blog....but I am back and intend to make blogging a regular part of my life. Reading others' blogs has made me smile, cry and even motivated me to change my life for the better. I am currently working with my 6th graders on writing and what better example of how writing can be used in your everyday life than a blog??? So cross your fingers and hope for the best!!!

Unexpected miracles...

2009-05-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

Falling like raindrops on me lately....like being charged absolutely nothing to have your car repaired...the carpet and padding in my spare bedroom that was practically ruined by water a week ago is miraculously dry and stink free:)....needing a beginning budget of at least $800 to make your students' production a success and finding out you have over $900....hearing your daddy say "you did a good job" after going thirty years without ever hearing him say it....getting a phone call from someone you care about when you least expect it but really need it....finding out you've made a difference in someone's life....

it doesn't happen to everyone...but I'm glad lately....HE picked me!! :)

Just plain happy...

2009-04-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

I tell ya....my life just keeps getting better and better every day....there’s so much to be happy about...so much to be thankful for....yet I don’t deserve it....God is just WAY to good to me....lately it’s just been nice to focus on the little things that make me...just plain happy....and just to name a few...

God continuing to bless me beyond measure....my family’s constant support....my best friend AshPash and how she just makes me smile...the flowers in my yard and how they seem to know I NEED them to live....my preacher’s wife Wendy and how she always cares....driving with my sunroof open while singing with the radio...painted toenails and toe rings....sandals and flip flops....jean capris....cherry coke zero....those little scrubbing bubbles “stampers” that go in the toilet....my hair getting longer...my Landon learning to crawl...Edy’s French Silk ice cream...my new scallop punch....talking for hours on the phone, and laughing half the time....Cryssie and her "hugz"...smiling so much your face hurts...swingin’ on my porch...listening to the rain...chatting online with friends for hours....watching the birds fight over the bird seed....the smell of fresh cut grass....the anticipation of summer....the longer days...fresh strawberries....and the list could go on and on and on....

I have been blessed....

2009-04-17T06:32:00.001-07:00

As I look out my window this morning and see the beautiful sun shining through....I am reminded of how blessed, bright and beautiful my life has become....just a little over two years ago, I made one of the biggest decisions in my life that changed me forever. Asking my husband to leave our home, packing his bags at the door and knowing my future would forever change took more courage than I had ever known......I lived in limbo for another year before coming to the terms that divorce was inevitable....and although I never would have predicted my life turning out this way, I can honestly say....it was worth it.....for now I appreciate life, love and the little things so much more than I ever did in the past....so many people have seen a change in me and say that “I’m back” and even though I hate that I was “gone” for so long....it means so much more to stand where I am today and be so lucky....so grateful for everything He has done for me. ....and so very blessed....which reminds me of a song...:)

“I have been blessed
And I feel like I’ve found my way
I thank God for all I’ve been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones
That love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed”

God sent me an angel...

2009-04-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

So it was just a little over two weeks ago...my heart was broken....lost one of my best friends and had to say goodbye....shed tears....wanted to just crawl away and die....but God had other plans....for in my devotions that day, a book by TD Jakes, entitled “365 Days to Healing, Blessings and Freedom” I read the following....

“When Hagar was lost in the wilderness of depression and wrestling exasperation, God sent an angel. When the labor-ridden mother of Samson was mundane and barren, God sent an angel. When young Mary was wandering listlessly through life, God sent an angel. When the grief stricken Mary Magdalene came stumbling down to the tomb, God sent an angel. For every woman in crisis, there is an angel! For every lonely night and forgotten mother, there is an angel! For every lost young girl wandering the concrete jungle of an inner city, there is an angel! My sister, set your coffee down, take the blanket off your legs, and stand up on your feet! Hast thou not known, hast thou not heard? For every woman facing winter, there is an angel!”

And that very day, God sent me an angel.....not some heavenly creature with wings, but an angel here on earth....for on those days, where I would have normally thought about nothing more than my broken heart, would have cried most of the day away....instead I found myself smiling, laughing and focusing on how great my life is...rather than feeling all alone, I had someone there to talk to and take my mind away from the sadness.....this angel doesn’t even know what they did for me, but I’m so glad they have become part of my world....and that God used them to save me from my broken heart...it’s funny, how when you least expect it, but in that perfect moment....God works everything out....

Praise Him in the storm....

2009-02-26T05:38:00.001-08:00

Within the last few days there have been several things happening to people close to me that I cannot explain....health concerns, death of a loved one, the loss of a job...
With so many uncertainties in this world, I am reminded of how blessed we are to have a God who never changes, is ALWAYS there, and knows every step we take before we even get up to walk. Although it might seem like the world around us is falling apart and He is far away, we must always remember that He is just a prayer away, is all knowing, all powerful and always in control. In times like these I catch myself falling on the verse..."For we know all things work together to them that love the Lord", Romans 8:28...
For all of you who are going through a difficult time, please know you are in my prayers and know that God will carry you through....as much as I love music, I couldn't help but think of a song that always helps me in difficult times....Casting Crowns, "Praise You in this Storm"

He Understands My Tears....

2009-02-18T11:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's hard to explain how we feel....sometimes it's difficult to find just the words to say...there are times when I find I don't even know what to pray....but I so thankful that God's word promises that when we don't know what to say, He will interceed for us.

Romans 8:26
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

For even when the tears fall from my face and I can't explain them, even when I have no one to go to....HE is always there and understands every teardrop, each and every heartache, worry and concern. I'm so glad HE decided I was worth it....

a favorite song to leave you with....The Isaacs, "He Understands My Tears"

How Could I Ask for More?

2009-02-17T05:31:00.000-08:00

God has given me so much in this life....I am so blessed and have so much in my life to be thankful for....for even on the darkest of days, I know HE is with me and keeps me safe. Yet why is it, especially at the beginning of the week (lol), I still find reasons to worry, complain and forget ALL HE is to me and has done for me? I'm human, I guess....just like all of us, we sometimes forget the little things that make life so precious. The tiniest of moments that make life more special and complete are the moments I want to cherish and never take for granted....

Here's a song that reminds me of how grateful I am for all those little things HE has done....as Cindy Morgan sings in this song....my prayer today remains..."Thank you God....How could I ask for more?"

The LOVES of my life....

2009-02-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

My best friend posted a blog about all of the “loves” in her life.....and it inspired me to do the same. Love is a word that many people throw around like it’s just the word “a” or “and” or “the”......but when you travel down a broken road in life that was once what you felt to be love, you learn to use it only as necessary, but at the same time....start noticing all the “little things” you really have loved your entire life, but never really thought about it before....so here goes my rendition....Ash-pash....this is for you =)

I love how God sees me as beautiful each and every day.....how He loves me unconditionally..... how my mom and I talk everyday and how she wants to know I am ok.... how my brother loves his wife and his new little baby.... how my daddy pretends not to show his emotions, when deep down, his heart is about to explode....getting mail and email from people I care about.... how my doggies are always tickled to see me and prove it my “shakin’ their tail feathers!”.... how my best friend of 26 years and I can pick right up where we left off....how my daddy always drives his women around in the snow....my mom’s homemade chicken soup.....my aunt Donna’s sweet tea....how my little Landon smells after a bath....wearing my pjs and camis more than any other clothing.... fresh clean sheets.....every pair of merrells I can afford....playing the piano with my eyes closed....soaking in a bubble bath.....getting my hair washed....sleeping in on Saturdays.....seeing my pastor tear up during one of his sermons.....listening to the rain.....having my back rubbed....the smell after a hard rain on a summer afternoon....the smell of fresh laundry out of the dryer....the little things people say that make them who they are, like my mom saying “I said a prayer for you today”, or my daddy saying “what’d you do that for?” or Tara sayin "you get yo nail done?".....laughing at old memories of family and friends.....singin’ with the radio....dancing when nobody’s watching....wrapping up in my grandma’s old quilt....lazy afternoon naps....hugs that are unexpected and don’t let go right away....slow kisses in the dark....my mom’s sourdough bread and chocolate chip poundcake......summer trips to the beach....dreaming about the future....making a difference in the life of a child....lazy days spent in pjs.....hot showers......extra large towels....my church family and their love for me....fireflies at night......going barefoot in the summer.....being so in love you can hardly breathe....watching my daddy work.....listening to children on a playground.....hot chocolate that’s extra sweet....feeling the sand between my toes....watching waves leave the coast....praying in my car out loud....crying from the words of a song....laughing so hard I snort or just about pee my pants....being held....being loved for who I am....being so blessed you feel your heart’s gonna explode.......

WOW....I think I could type forever...I think like Ash I’ll keep adding and reading these so I never forget....

When you least expect it....

2009-01-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

I got a huge surprise...blessing....prayer....email today.....

It seems that when we least expect it, God knows when to send a special person our way....sometimes an old friend we've been out of touch with, sometimes a family member, or perhaps even a stranger.....but it's definitely true that when we least expect it....God showers us with just the amount of blessings we need.....

I get an email from an old friend today....letting me know he's heard the news of my "story" and how sorry he is for it....how he knows God's gonna get the glory from all of this and how he knows Christ will be honored for the way I have handled this whole ordeal. What's amazing is that I have barely spoken to this friend in over a year, yet a tragedy in his life and mine and the power of prayer connect us both at this time....how wonderful to know that he has been praying for me this entire time, yet I didn't even know he knew....true friendship doesn't require seeing each other everyday, spending countless hours together, it just requires a love for each other and a faith in a common God that can see you through....so to my special friend, I say "thank you" for putting a bright spot in my day and making me realize that when you least expect it, some one's always praying you through....caring....thinking....and still loving you....

I'll leave you with the verse he left me....

“He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God.”
Romans 4:20

Let them go....

2009-01-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

Everyone has problems...troubles....trials...hard times....broken hearts....broken dreams.....it has been my experience in the past that I tend to let these difficult moments tiptoe into my future, ruining some of what could be the happiest and best experiences of my life. And for what reason? Because I am afraid to let go? Afraid to let God have the lead? Afraid I will get hurt again? I often fail to realize that " When God closes a door, He always opens a window"....and although that window might seem smaller, less attractive and harder to get to.....most often the view is so breathtaking, you wonder why you didn't go that window in the first place!

I'm tired of letting my broken past predict my untouched future....I'm tired of being scared, tired of letting what happened yesterday make me miss out on today and its blessings. So my new goal is to learn from the past, but let that be the end of it. Accept each day as a NEW blessing from God....let people in....learn to trust....learn to jump in and feel the wonder of each exciting moment God has for me in this awesome world! Wouldn't it be incredible if we could "learn to write our hurts in the sand and carve our blessings in stone!" So I have decided it's time to take all that hurt, all those problems....truly give them over to God and LET THEM GO!

Looking beyond the surface....

2009-01-19T06:41:00.000-08:00

So much of my life was spent around people who looked at what was visible to the eye and made an instant judgment. From the clothes people wear, to the tattoos on their skin, the length of their hair, where they went to school, where they did or didn't go to church.....you name it, people could judge you for it. It makes me sick to my stomach that these people call themselves Christians, yet their actions are as far from "Christ like" as you can get.

So I am in a new place in my life, where I refuse to judge anyone for anything.....I am all about looking beyond the surface to see what's really inside and searching for ways to appreciate each and everyone that God has placed on this earth. Some of the most precious and amazing people in my life right now are people I would have been looked down upon for even speaking to....but it's those people who are missing out on the greater blessing, for when God chooses to use someone who has had a "past", made mistakes, taken the wrong road a time or two, you get such an amazing result in the end....someone who is so grateful for every day that they treat it as a precious gift, someone who is so blessed by your friendship that they hang on every word. Someone who wants to be a better Christian yet they know they fall short every day ....someone who I'd never been blessed to know and my life would not be as special....had I refused to LOOK BEYOND THE SURFACE....

Here....

2009-01-15T11:32:00.001-08:00

So I have a new favorite song....heard it on the radio the other day and the message speaks so clearly of where I am today....here's a short video with part of the song "Here" by Rascal Flatts:

I guess the place I am standing "here" today could seem normal to most people...I have an incredible God who has blessed my life more than I could ever deserve, I have an amazing family that supports me and loves me unconditionally as well as friends who are always there for me. Yet, if you take a look behind where I am today, the road is not so pretty......so much of what has happened in my life has me asking questions, but I have learned over the past several weeks that if it weren't for all the hard times, rough roads and pain, I would not, could not be the person that stands "here" today. It took all the storms, trials and troubles to make me into the beautiful masterpiece God sees me as today.

I have met some amazing people over the last few weeks, and one in particular who has changed my life completely. There's no way I would trade what I have been given, just to say my past was easy.....for it's because of all that pain....I am HERE.....HAPPY....AT PEACE....AND LOVING LIFE!

Chicken soup for the sick soul....

2008-11-29T17:44:00.000-08:00

Not feeling too much better today....but I did make a pot of homemade chicken soup, which makes me feel a little better after eating a bowl full :)

Spent most of the day in bed, dozing, watching Lucy re-runs, and Christmas movies and I am looking forward to seeing a little bit of White Christmas....which comes on in 15 minutes........unfortunately, due to the weather and my sickness, it looks like tomorrow will be filled with much of the same.....how I hate missing church, and Christmas play practice :(

I did get a few minutes of playtime in to create a few cards with the embellies from yesterday....not so sure how I feel about them yet....

Achoo....

2008-11-28T15:31:00.000-08:00

So I woke up at 2 am...sneezing, coughing, and aching all over! All I can think about are all the little boogers runnin' around at the Wizard of Oz production last week who were probably sick, not to mention my best friend who calls (the day after she visited) to tell me she's sick! Hopefully this won't last too long...I have to make it back to school on Monday!

So there's not been much to do today, other than lie around....but I did get a few minutes to play around with some embellies I am making for my Christmas cards...I have to say...they look like little cookies lined up on my craft table! Almost good enough to eat! I am not quite finished though....I think they need a little sparkle....or should I say "bling!" All the work is credited to my wonderful cricut machine....whom without, I would be dying of blisters....

until then...God bless

Gifts from the heart....

2008-11-25T17:39:00.000-08:00

As Christmas quickly approaches......I find myself seeing those around me frantically trying to rush here and there to get the best deals on presents for friends and family. I am not in the situation to "join the crowd" this year, due to my current financial situation....so I have relied on the option to "make" all my presents....and let me say, I have never had such a great time preparing for the holidays. I know I always enjoy getting something someone took the time to make me.....in fact, I think it's those gifts that mean the most. Gifts from the heart, but made with hands....how precious we must be to those who take the time to do such wonderful things! I am so grateful for my wonderful friends and family, and while I would love to have enough money to buy them any thing they wanted, I know this Christmas will be extra special because my gifts will truly be a part of my heart.....

I can't wait til they get to open them up :)

Thankful...

2008-11-24T18:33:00.000-08:00

As this time of year quickly approaches...it's so easy to think of all the wonderful things we have to be thankful for....even with the terrible problems of this world, the horrible economy and the uncertainty of what tomorrow holds....there is so much we DO have. God is so wonderful and has blessed us far more than we could ever deserve. In times like these I feel God is just taking the time to get our attention and make us more aware of the simple, little things that make like so wonderful.

So I say "Thank you, God....how could I ask for more?"